Self-Care: Embrace The Discomfort
I have been wrestling with a strong urge to write. What exactly, I’m not sure. As an engineer, I prefer certainty, order, and plans. When lacking these, I begin to problem solve through extensive reading, pensive procrastination, and searching Google even more. The idea of publishing without the objective stated or any plan at all, let alone publishing on any recurring and expected frequency (daily!) is terrifying. And yet, here I type…
I’m half tempted to Ctrl + X, Ctrl + V these words to Word and keep the inner, though persistent, desire of mine a secret. (Edited to add: I copied my written text to Word for my own orderly records, and I resolved to click “Publish” while embracing the discomfort.)
Alas, “time” is my interest. I know all too well life is short, fleeting, and uncertain. Yet, there is purpose even in this moment today. So, the words on my heart shall be told. Nevermind the lack of cohesiveness between my day job as a professional engineer, other responsibilities, and my passion to serve others. I help organizations drive change with integrity using exceptional communication, vision and technical competency and am focused presently on pipeline integrity. I desire to encourage women in male-dominated industries (such as engineering, technology, and energy) to continue their pursuit for their passions. Maybe, I need to first start by encouraging myself.
It is those individual moments of clarity, peace, and joy where humans most feel alive. The experience is different and unique to each individual. For me, I experienced it yesterday, midday on Tuesday, in a theological library. It should be noted: just five years ago I ignored God entirely.
My body was buzzing with the excitement of the potential to learn through the exploration I was embarking on. Upon first entry to the new place, as I patiently waited for the gates to be opened, I was abuzz with nerves. Several times, I contemplated returning to the comforts, coffee, and normalcy of my home office. I pushed onward, my curiosity leading me. Later, I realized, in this very state of discomfort I was actually caring for myself which is starkly opposite the “self-care” comfort-seeking principals society proclaims. After acclimating myself to the library’s organization I settled into an oversized, tan, wingback chair, nearly as comfortable as my home chair, but with a superior view of the grassy atrium and opposite wing’s façade. Here, I selected a few books to commence. Armed with a list of call numbers and a map, I ascended to the east second floor collection. The quiet, yet energetic atmosphere of the library enveloped me as my arms cradled the growing stack of books, some of which I sought out and others seeking me. Before, returning to my specified study space by the window, I paused atop the catwalk admiring the pronounced chandeliers illuminating the floor-to-ceiling bookshelves periodically interrupted by windows offering snapshots of nature’s beauty; I experienced joy.
